Sewing and Resistance

I haven’t been able to write much for the past couple of weeks.  I haven’t wanted to write, really.  I haven’t wanted to sit in my vulnerability.  As my partner put it the other day, “I don’t want them to see me sweat.” The them being the Trump administration and all of its enablers.  I am tired of giving airtime to Trump.  I am tired of feeling like I’m on a speeding train watching the things I care about disappear, then reappear.  At the same time we are witnessing blatant cruelty, we are also witnessing brilliant strength and resilience.  We aren’t giving up.  I see all of the people who are fighting every single day.  It’s beautiful and heartening.  It is also exhausting.  And yet, I am not supposed to be exhausted because that is what “they want.”  So, I sit in overwhelm with all the expectations of the world on me.  It’s no wonder I haven’t wanted to write.  

On Thursday I finished sewing a jacket made of heavy denim.  When writing feels too difficult, I’m grateful that I have other art forms to turn to.  Garment sewing is perfect for times like these because unlike knitting, it’s not a space-out activity.  I have to stay focused.  It’s also a political act for me in more ways than one.  The fast fashion industry is one of the worst polluters in the world.  It guzzles water and energy and uses synthetic fibers that take hundreds of years to biodegrade.  People throw away their fast fashion pieces more readily which blows up our landfills and the US Department of Labor has discovered reports of child and forced labor in the industry. 

This in itself is enough to make the hours of unpicking stitches and fussing with fits worth it for me.  But the true reason why I started making my own clothes is because I am a plus-sized woman and it is ridiculously difficult for me to find clothing that both fits and that I actually like.  On the surface, I could see how this could sound like a non-issue.  What’s the big deal?  Why is it so important to have clothing that allows you to express yourself?  Everyone deserves access to clothing, first of all.  We are not allowed to go around naked, as far as I know. On top of that,  a lot of the clothing that exists for fat people (I use fat as a descriptor, not an insult) reinforces the negative biases that people have about us.  If all we have access to is boring, drab, ill-fitting clothes, you cannot tell me that people won’t make assumptions about our character.  They don’t look at this issue from the perspective of lack of access.  They look at us like we are lazy slubs who can’t be bothered to appear more put-together.  Now, part of this issue for me comes from the fact that we live in an image-obsessed culture.  I don’t agree that people should be judged for the clothes they wear or how “good” they look.  But the fact of the matter is that we don’t exist outside this paradigm. I think we are always making some concessions.  Like, I don’t really wear make-up because I don’t believe that as a woman, I should have to disguise my face to make it more presentable. I don’t want to give my money to an industry that tells me I’m ugly.  But I did buy a couple of sewing supplies from Amazon a week ago.  I’m not on X because Elon Musk is an entitled, Nazi idiot but I am on Instagram and sometimes, Facebook.  It’s impossible to be a responsible consumer under capitalism.  Someone or something (namely, the Earth) is always being exploited. But I take pleasure in every moment of resistance that I am able to.  When I make my own clothes, I choose my own fabrics, my own colors.  I choose the fit.  I don’t need to wear clothing that “highlights” my curves. I don’t have to dress in something that other people consider more “flattering” for my body shape because I am making all of these decisions myself.  I’m able to make pieces that are often only available to straight size people in stores.  Making art with my hands that I can wear and that reflects the person that I am is not just a joyous activity.  It is political statement that says, “I am worthy. Just as I am.”